


There's No Parking In the Friend Zone

by dr_ducktator



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: AU, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-15
Updated: 2011-05-14
Packaged: 2017-10-19 10:09:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/199697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dr_ducktator/pseuds/dr_ducktator
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ten years ago Jensen was a fat kid in love with his best friend. Now, he's rich, fit, beautiful, and stranded in his hometown with a very crazy and possibly dangerous Misha. All he wants is to get Jared back, but will Jared be interested in the 'new' Jensen? (Based on the movie <i>Just Friends</i>)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written for spn_cinema at LJ and based on the super-awesome film, _Just Friends_. Some lines snagged from the film, but I tried to make it as different as I could while still maintaining a fun adaptation. Big thank you to my beta, wishtheworst . She really helped me find and fix the stuff that people who haven't seen the film might not get; I've seen this movie a bazillion times, so sometimes I would miss important details. Thanks, bb!

_When I look to the future I see us getting together with our families at the holidays, and you’re a famous football player and I’m a famous writer. It’s gonna be great. What I’m trying to say, and what I’ve been trying to say throughout this whole letter is that, well, we’ve been best friends forever, Jared, and I just hope that maybe we can be more than that. Hoping to be your boyfriend,  
Jensen_

Jensen read over the last paragraph he’d written, hoping it communicated everything he’d been wanting to say to Jared for a long time. “Everything I Do I Do It For You” was coming out of his stereo, yet another song from a mixed tape he made for Jared but never gave to him. The tape was full of all kinds of songs Jensen in one way or another attributed to Jared. Maybe, if his letter was well-received, he’d finally give Jared the tape he’d been listening to obsessively for months.

Satisfied with the way the letter looked – he’d written the damn thing about twelve times already and he’d probably try again if his hand weren’t cramping up – he sealed it in an envelope and wrote on the front “To: Jared, From: Your BFF Jensen!” and drew a little heart on it. Then he tucked it in his yearbook and steeled himself for the big reveal later at Jared’s.

He stood in front of his mirror and looked himself over. The only thing he liked about himself were his eyes, and he figured that was because Jared was always telling him how pretty they were, how they reminded him of the Astroturf on a football field. He smiled, thinking only Jared, the star quarterback, could make a stupid football reference sound romantic. Other than his eyes, Jensen thought he was beyond unremarkable, what with his stupid retainer he had to wear all the time (thank God he’d at least gotten his braces removed before senior photos), his bad skin, awful hair that just laid there on his head so he kept it long-ish and just parted it down the middle and tucked it behind his ears, and, well, last but certainly not least, he was too chubby.

Okay, fat – he was fat. And no matter how often Jared told him he wasn’t fat, or that any guy worth anything would love him no matter what he looked like, and that he was “the smartest, coolest, funniest guy with the best taste in everything ever” (yeah, Jensen could remember pretty much every compliment Jared paid him verbatim), it didn’t make him feel any better about himself. There’s just something about your mom and your best friends telling you you’re handsome that just doesn’t cut it sometimes.

He sang along to the song, belting “Oh - you can't tell me it's not worth tryin' for! I can't help it - there's nothin' I want more. Yeah! I would fight for you. I'd lie for you. Walk the wire for you, yeah I'd die for youuuuuu!” at the top of his lungs while pulled his black hoodie over his Pixies t-shirt and left it unzipped – you don’t hide a cool shirt like that. He grabbed his hairbrush and sang the last line into it, feeling all things he’d do for Jared as he reached for the sky – er, well, his ceiling. He heard a snicker behind him, and a little voice sing-songed over the last strains of Bryan Adams’ masterpiece, “Raise your hand if your brother’s a fatty!” Jensen wheeled around and saw his 8-year-old sister Mackenzie bouncing around with her hand in the air.

“Get the hell outta my room!” He shouted and chased her out. “Ugh. Why couldn’t mom and dad have gotten divorced before they had her? Fucking spawn of Satan.” It was moments like these that he wished Josh was still at home. He always ran interference on Mackenzie for Jensen. Jensen walked back over to his desk where he collected his yearbook (and hidden letter), shut off his stereo and ejected the tape, stuck the tape in his walkman and shoved all of it in his backpack.

He shouted “Going to Jared’s, Mom. Bye!” as he ran out the door to his bicycle. He couldn’t wait to see Jared. Tonight was the night everything changed forever.

As he pedaled up to Jared’s house he could hear music – really, really loud music, music loud enough to push its way past “Love Fool” coming through his headphones. When he pulled into Jared’s driveway his heart fell. There were cars crammed into his driveway and what looked like five times as many people crammed into his house. “Fuck me,” he whimpered, parking his bike against a tree in Jared’s yard and locking it there. He drew in a deep breath, trying to ready himself for whatever the night brought now that his plans were quickly circling the drain.

He pushed through the crowd, saying hello to random people he knew, and gave props to football players who were friends with Jared but pretty much hated him. He was trying to stay as much under the radar as possible. Sometimes he couldn’t understand how Jared could be such good friends with him and also friends with an asshole like Christian Kane, the school’s star running back and guy who’d rather step on your face than smile at those he considered “below” him. He guessed that’s was just one of things he loved about Jared – he could be friends with anyone. He was amazing. Jensen sighed.

He spotted Mike and Tom standing by the big window in the living room and headed in their direction. Jensen recognized the mix of songs coming through the impressive stereo system the Padaleckis had. He made a quick inventory of the songs he’d heard since he arrived, recognizing the order in which they played. This was a tape he’d made Jared for another party. Jared requested a mix of “dance songs and shit, but you know, nothing too old,” so of course Jensen threw together a stellar dance mix sneaking in songs he liked here and there. Jared had loved it and Jensen had butterflies.

He’d finally woven through the throng of gyrating bodies and arrived in front of Tom and Mike. They were the school’s “cool” couple. Jensen knew he was really lucky to go to a school where everyone was so accepting of gay students; the assholes were just sort of run-of-the-mill assholes and not really homophobic ones. It seemed to help the potential plight of the school’s gay population that Jared “Star of the Universe” Padalecki was into guys. Everyone loved the hell out of Jared, Tom, and Mike, so that love seemed to trickle down to the less exciting gay kids.

“Hey guys. What’s with the party?” Jensen asked Mike and Tom who seemed to be drinking their beer in concert. They were the perfect couple, really. They weren’t annoying at all, but it was weird how they moved in sync sometimes.

Mike piped up first after Tom shrugged noncommittally. “Jared’s parents decided to throw him and Jeff a joint graduation party. It was a surprise. It’s great, isn’t it?” Jensen shook his head indicating a clear no. “Anyway, don’t be mad at Jared, he didn’t know. Is this yours?” Mike asked, pointing to the ceiling to indicate he meant the music. Jensen nodded as he surveyed the room. He hadn’t noticed Jeff and his friends earlier. Fucking fantastic. Jeff wasn’t always the nicest guy in the world. Mike continued, “So “Freak Like Me,” huh? I thought this was your mix when I heard Daft Punk and the Pixies, but Adina Howard? I approve, man.”

“Jared wanted a whole mix of good party music, so of course, I obeyed. But thanks.” Jensen rolled his eyes at himself. He was a sucker for all things Jared. “So, have you guys seen Jared?”

Tom and Mike eyed him sympathetically. They knew that he wanted to put his grand plan into action tonight. “I think I saw him in the garage with some of the guys from the team,” Tom said motioning with his head toward the general direction of the back of the house where the garage sat. Jensen nodded to them both and breathed in deeply. Tom and Mike simultaneously laid a hand on each of Jensen’s shoulders and squeezed, telegraphing ‘good luck’ and ‘you can do it, man’ through their grip. “This is it, Jen,” Mike said. “This is your chance to get out of the Friend Zone.” They released Jensen and drank from their cups nervously.

Jensen waded through even more people steering as clear as possible of Jeff and his cronies. He opened the garage door and couldn’t help but laugh at the site that greeted him. There was Jared in his six-foot-plus glory, flailing around to the music, singing “I don’t want no fly guy! I just want a shy guy!” He was surrounded by adoring fans, mostly other guys on his team and random cheerleaders who thought if they could just get Jared to kiss them once they’d straighten him right out. Yeah. Right. “A shy guy’s the kinda guy that can only be mi- holy shit, Jen, there you are!” Jared shouted and ran at him, engulfing him in long-ass arms. Jensen breathed Jared in. He wore CK One and Jensen kept a piece of paper he’d sprayed with the cologne under his pillow. It wasn’t creepy. It was comforting.

Jensen didn’t even have a chance to say hello before Jared was dragging him through the house, up the stairs, and into his bedroom. He threw Jensen in ahead of him and slammed the door behind them. “Jen! We graduated! We fucking graduated! Can you believe it?” Jared had flopped down on his back next to where Jensen was seated on his bed. A sliver of skin was showing where Jared’s jersey had ridden up and Jensen swallowed hard.

“Barely, man.” Jensen responded. “Look, Jay, I have something I need to give you.” He pulled his yearbook out of his backpack and was about to pull the letter out but a knock on the door interrupted them.

“Come in!” Jared shouted happily.

The door creaked open and a very mousy Chad poked his head in the room. Chad was one of those students people didn’t pay a lot of attention to. He wasn’t outgoing, he didn’t join clubs, and he was squinted all the time. But Jared noticed Chad. Jared noticed everyone, and somehow Jared was able to give everyone lots of attention and make them feel special. “Hey, Jared. I have a song I want to play for you.” He slid the rest of the way in the room, guitar in tow.

“Thanks, man. Go ahead.” He looked at Jensen and smiled. All Jensen could return is a grimace.

Chad, or rather, The Chad as he asked everyone to call him, started playing a couple of chords then opened his mouth to sing. “When Jared smi-” there was an awful jangling sound as The Chad strummed the wrong chords, swearing at his hands as he did so. He tried again. He failed again. Jared, of course, had a look of sweet sympathy on his face. His heart was too damn good sometimes. Jensen couldn’t take anymore, his nerves stretched tighter with every one of The Chad’s fuck-ups. Finally he hopped off the bed. “The Chad,” he said as he made a frowny face and began ushering him out the door. “Why don’t you go practice that and come back later.” He slammed the door in The Chad’s protesting face and turned back to Jared. Jensen felt like he was going to lose it.

He walked back to the bed where Jared was smiling sweetly. “What’s up, Jen?”

“Jared, I have something I need you to see.” He started opening his yearbook to the page where he’d stuck the letter, but just then Jeff burst into the room carrying Jared’s yearbook. Jensen wanted to cry. The night wasn’t going anywhere near where he wanted it to.

“Hey Jay,” Jeff said the turned to him saying, “Hey asswipe.”

“Hi Jeff,” Jensen said in a defeated tone.

“Jeff, fuck off. What do you want?” Jared was clearly as annoyed at Jeff’s presence and Jensen was.

“You left your yearbook downstairs and I thought you and your girlfriend were up here holding hands and giggling at pictures so I thought you’d want it.” He plopped down between them on the bed, throwing Jared’s yearbook on top of Jensen’s. Jensen was bounced off onto the floor. He elected to stay there.

“Jeff. Get the fuck out of here. Jensen and I are talking.” Jared landed an angry fist to Jeff’s outer thigh.

“Ow, fuck, Jared! God. Relax. I was just fucking around.” He stood up and turned to go.

“Jeff, take my yearbook and put it back. I left it on the table down there so people would sign it.” Jared grabbed the book at threw it at Jeff. Jeff caught it, flipped them both off and walked out the door slamming it behind him.

Jared leaned over the side of the bed Jensen was hiding on and said, “You alright, Jen? You know Jeff’s just fucking with you, right?”

Jensen climbed back on the bed trying to calm his nerves. “Yeah, I know. Look, Jay” he said, picking up his yearbook. “I wrote you something, will you read it? Please?”

Jared looked like he could tell Jensen was strung a little too tightly, so he quietly took the yearbook and flipped through the pages. He had a confused look on his face, and Jensen started to worry the letter fell into his back. He began digging through his backpack. The letter wasn’t there. He ripped the book from Jared’s hands and turned to the front few pages, noticing that all the entries were made out to Jared. He felt bile rising in his throat. “Oh my fucking God!” he shouted and ran out of the room and down the stairs, nearly slamming into Jeff’s monster frame in the process.

The music had stopped, the people were quiet, and Jensen noticed they’d all turned their attention to Jeff, whose voice rang out through the house as he read the letter, _Jensen’s letter_ aloud, “You and I will take on the world, Jay. When I look to the future I see us getting together with our families at the holidays, and you’re a famous football player and I’m a famous writer. It’s gonna be great. What I’m trying to say, and what I’ve been trying to say throughout this whole letter is that, well, we’ve been best friends forever, Jared, and I just hope that maybe we can be more than that. Hoping to be your boyfriend,  
Jensen

Jeff finished the letter and burst out laughing. The rest of the party attendees followed suit. Jensen’s world tilted, tears sprung to his eyes, and he bolted for the front door, jeers following behind him.

He made it to his bike and was undoing the lock when he heard Mike and Tom pleading with him to stay. Then he heard Jared admonishing the crowd. “Shut the fuck up, all of you! Jesus, give him a break!” He turned to Jensen. “Jen,” he said carefully, “did you really mean all those things you said in the letter?”

Jensen stood up and faced Jared wiping tears from his eyes. He could see Jared’s eyes were welling. “I guess so.” He looked down at the ground. “Yeah. All of it. I meant all of it, Jared. Why?”

Jared stepped into Jensen’s space and cupped his face in his hands. “Jen, that’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever written me. You’re so amazing. God, I wish you knew how amazing you are. Thank you for the letter Jensen, really. I love you. You know that, right?” He leaned in, and Jensen readied himself for the most amazing moment of his life – Jared was going to kiss him. He was going to make this all real. He was going to end the nightmare. Or at least, that’s what Jensen thought right up until the moment Jared bypassed Jensen’s slightly puckered lips and kissed his cheek, then pulled away saying, “I wish you were my brother instead of Jeff.”

And that was it. That was when he broke. The crowd that had amassed at the door picked up their taunts all over again. Jared turned toward them again, trying to get them to shut up. It did no good. Jensen swung a leg over his bike and turned it around so he could pull away. “You know what? Fuck this!” he shouted through his tears and trying to pedal away. “Fuck all of you. I’m getting out of this piece of shit town. I’m gonna be somebody!”


	2. Chapter 2

**2007**

Jensen woke to the chirping sound of his phone letting him know he had a slew of text messages. He rolled over to grab his phone, groaning when he realized he wasn’t alone. He quickly thumbed through the texts, all from guys he never called back. Luckily the guy he’d brought home last night wasn’t stirred by the phone; he wouldn’t call him again, either. He headed into the little gym area he had in his condo and turned on the stereo. He figured if he stayed in there long enough the guy would get the hint and leave. No awkward moments necessary. He got on the treadmill and started running.

Since leaving New Jersey ten years earlier Jensen had vowed that he wouldn’t be the fat dork he was in high school anymore. He didn’t like thinking about high school; the memories were too painful. He missed Mike and Tom, wondered if they were still together, and God, he missed Jared. He heard snippets of town gossip from his mom, but she was a little flighty and didn’t seem to stick to the information Jensen would have really wanted. He couldn’t care less that Mackenzie was on homecoming court. Trying to suppress the memories that kept pushing themselves to the front of his mind, he grabbed the remote for the stereo off the treadmill and blasted “My Own Summer” yelling “shove it, shove it, shove it!” as his feet pounded the conveyor belt.

He wasn’t an exercise freak or anything, but Jensen knew he looked good. He wore his hair short and a little spiky, his moderate high school acne had cleared up , and he was never dateless. Sure, the guys he kept hooking up with were usually trying to break into acting, or were models, or both – he met them at industry parties – but they were vapid and boring and useless. Well, useless beyond a good lay. That suited Jensen, though. He didn’t like being attached. Attachment nearly killed him ten years ago. He stopped the treadmill and the stereo, bathing the room in silence save his heavy breathing. He walked to his room cautiously seeing if last night’s conquest was still around. He wondered what Jared would think of him now, and sighed. The Deftones didn’t do the trick today; the memories wouldn’t go away. But at least the guy from last night did.

Every Sunday Jensen met up with some friends at a local ice rink to play hockey. He hated hockey in high school; growing up in a city where the two main sports were football and hockey made his life as a fat kid who wasn’t athletically inclined wasn’t awesome. But since he moved to L.A. he changed a lot about himself and was now captain of his hockey team. He and his friend Justin were heading to the locker room to get changed for the game and Justin was going on about this girl he liked.

“I don’t know, Jensen. I mean, I asked her out and she said yes, so we’re meeting tomorrow for lunch at –”

“No, Justin,” Jensen cut him off. “Don’t do that. Don’t go to lunch with her. That’s the fast track to the friend zone, man. Once you’re in the friend zone you’re fucked, and not in the way you wanna be. You become completely off-limits sexually, like a brother or something. So call her, Justin. Call her as soon as you can, change lunch to dinner, play it all aloof like you don’t give a shit, and she’ll be eating out of the palm of your hand.”

Justin gaped at Jensen. “Jesus, Jensen. That’s a really um, unique way of looking at dating. What the hell happened to you?”

Jensen’s attention was currently trained on a really hot guy at the skate rental counter. Not looking away from his possible date for the night he answered with a sarcastic laugh, “Some guy messed me up in high school baaaad.”

 

Jensen climbed out of his Lexus RX 350 and gazed skyward to take in the expanse of glass and steel that housed the Morgan Agency. Jensen loved his job as an agent, but Jeff was a little bit of a hard ass and a whole lot of crazy, so he never knew what he was going to get when he walked in the office. As he walked through the lobby of the building he wished people happy holidays, noticing how they eyed the sizeable package he carried with him. He had Jeff’s Christmas present – a gift that stressed him out every year and has done so for all of the nine Christmases he’s been at Morgan agency – and he hoped the big man liked it. He tried to outdo himself every year because he was grateful to Jeff for letting him work his way up from mailroom lackey to full-fledged agent, but Jensen also knew how to kiss ass. This year’s present was floor seats to the Lakers. Jeff loved basketball but didn’t have season tickets. Jensen fixed that. And the icing on the cake? They were very near where Jack Nicholson always sat. Jensen would be in Jeff’s good graces forever.

He took the elevator to the top floor of the building and walked into Jeff’s office where his boss was currently demoralizing yet another assistant. “Just get out of my sight until you know how to make coffee that doesn’t taste like the backside of a cock golem!” Jeff shouted at the wiry assistant who was crying as he ran out the door. Jeff turned his sights on Jensen and Jensen gulped. “Jensen, m’boy! Sorry about that. It’s bitchcakes in here today! I see you brought me a little Christmas present?”

Jensen handed the gift over and Jeff threw it on a pile of presents that had amassed in the corner of his office. “You wanted to see me sir?”

“Yes. Jensen, you remember Misha Collins, right?” Jensen shuddered at the name. Misha was terrifying on about eight different levels. He nodded. “Good! He’s currently looking for new representation – left his other agent ‘cause she wouldn’t do yoga or some shit. Anyway, I want you to go get him. Use that pretty face of yours, Jensen. If we get Collins we get everything.”

“Sir, with all due respect, Misha Collins…is a crazy person.”

“You’re the one that fucked him, Ackles. We need him. People love him as that weird-ass character actor, and he’s only getting more popular. He could bring you all kinds of high-powered clients, and me all kinds of money.” Jensen’s shoulders slumped. There was no way he could get out of this. He still had to try.

“It was one date! I ended up in traction! He’s obsessed with contortion or sucking his own dick or something!”

“He’s shooting on a soundstage at Warner right now,” Jeff continued, unfazed by Jensen’s concerns about bodily integrity. “Go get him and make me happy, Ackles. If you don’t make me happy, I will find someone who will.” Jeff turned his back and began making a drink, signaling the end of the conversation.

Jensen left the office, head hanging low, and headed toward what he knew was certain disaster. Or death. Possibly both.

He found the soundstage where Misha was apparently filming a pilot for a show about a group of friends living in L.A. He was to be the ‘quirky’ friend. A real stretch, Jensen thought. And it wasn’t that he thought Misha couldn’t act; it was just the opposite, in fact. Misha was such a good actor no one really knew how batshit insane he was. Jensen knew, though. He knew all too well.

He stood behind one of the camera men, watching the scene unfold before him. After the scene wrapped, Jensen looked over to the director who was twisting the script in his hands and looking extremely perturbed. Jensen knew the director; he’d worked with him before with some of his other clients. He was a good guy and Jensen felt really bad for him that he had to work with Misha for any extended amount of time. Before he could say anything to him, however, Misha spotted him and made a beeline for him.

“Oh my God, Jensen!” He squealed delightedly and threw himself into Jensen’s totally unopened arms. He latched onto Jensen’s mouth with his own, shoving his tongue rather violently into Jensen’s mouth before pulling away and eyeing him suspiciously. “Hey…where have you been? You haven’t returned my texts. Are you here because you’ve missed me and you want to make up being a dick to me, or are you here because Jeff sent you?”

Jensen wiped his mouth with the sleeve of his suit jacket. “Both?” he said in a questioning tone.

Misha plopped down in the director’s now vacated chair and swung his legs back and forth. “That’s cool, I guess. Oh!” He shouted excitedly. “You have to come to Paris with me. There’s a yoga retreat there and I think it would be so good for us as a couple to re-center ourselves.” He grabbed Jensen and dragged him out of the studio. Jensen was pretty helpless to stop them from going to Paris. See, Misha didn’t have a sort of have-an-idea-sit-and-think-about-the-idea-before-acting-on-the-idea process. Misha went straight from idea to action. So once Misha had an idea in his head and decided to include you, you were in it for the long haul – or face ending up in traction. Jensen steeled himself for the trip; after all, he needed to land Misha as a client if he wanted to keep his job.

 

They’d been in the air about four hours and Jensen had been subjected to everything from Misha’s ideas about how to save dolphins, to a few songs he’d written, and finally to lines from a novel he was working on. Jensen did his best not to listen, and Misha didn’t even seem to notice Jensen’s lack of enthusiasm.

Misha pulled a small plastic container from his bag. “I’m so hungry. Are you hungry? I have some ahi tuna here. We can share if you want.” He headed toward the microwave putting the fish inside and setting the timer. Little did Jensen know, of course, that there was aluminum foil inside the plastic container holding the fish and that Misha didn’t understand or was not aware of the no metal in the microwave rule. No person over like, eight, should be ignorant of that rule.

“No thanks, Misha,” Jensen said. “Being with you totally makes my appetite disappear for days.” Misha didn’t notice the jibe because he was too busy yammering on about his novel and how awesome it would be if they could get Gore Vidal to write a review for it.

No less than fifteen minutes later they found themselves on a small airstrip God only knew where, but it was freezing fucking cold. They were grounded because of a fire…in the microwave. Jensen was mortified and couldn’t apologize to the pilot of the private plane enough. Misha was busy stomping around bitching to someone on his phone.

“I can’t tell you how sorry I am, sir,” Jensen addressed the pilot. “I can’t believe he left the tin foil ON THE FISH!” He shouted the last three words at Misha, who paused his conversation and replied, “How the hell was I supposed to know it would start a fire. I’m the talent, I’m not supposed to deal with this shit!”

Jensen’s shoulders slumped and he pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and index finger. “How long until we can get back in the air?” The pilot told him they’d be grounded at least for the night. When Jensen inquired as to their location his jaw nearly hit the ground. “Jersey? We’re in New Jersey. Fan-fucking-tastic.” Jensen figured he’d done something horrible in a past life or something because not only was he subjected to Misha for an indeterminate amount of time, but the airfield they’d landed on was only twenty minutes from where he grew up. Desperate to find them lodging for the night he called the two hotels in his tiny hometown – both were booked for the holiday. He swallowed the bile the threatened to come up at the idea of subjecting his mother to Misha, but it looked like he had no choice.

He stood on the front porch of his childhood home, stomach rolling, and Misha at his side. “O-M-G, Jensen. I can’t believe you’re taking me home to meet your mom. I’m so excited!”

The door opened and his mother appeared before him. She screamed with delight then broke into tears, mumbling something about her baby being home and she’d need to cook more ham. They sat and visited with his mother for a while, Misha making the most awkward conversation even more painfully uncomfortable because he kept trailing his hand dangerously toward Jensen’s crotch. Misha was just about to launch into some explanation about why the house could use some new furniture when the front door burst open and Mackenzie strode in with her cell phone glued to her ear.

She laid eyes on Jensen, then her gaze shifted to Misha. “Rachel, I have to talk to you later.” She slammed the phone shut, walked past Jensen who was waiting to give her a hello hug and sat next to Misha on the couch. “I can’t believe it’s you!” She screeched excitedly. “I’ve seen like, every TV show you’ve ever been on. You have the prettiest eyes!”

Misha smiled brightly. “I know!” He chirped.

“Misha, this is my baby sister Mackenzie, Mackenzie, this is Misha Collins.”

“I know who he is, stupid. God, I have to call Rachel back and tell her who’s here!” She bounded off the couch running for the stairs and slapped Jensen in the face as she passed. He grabbed the hood of her coat and yanked her backward. “Mack, drop it. Don’t tell anyone we’re here, please.” She sulked her way up the stairs. Jensen knew asking her not to call anyone wouldn’t do any good. In fact, she’d probably call even more people now just to piss him off.

Jensen’s mom returned from the kitchen. “I’m so happy you’re here, honey. I know you usually fly us out to L.A. for Christmas with you, but this is so much better. It’s like it’s really Christmas again!” Jensen couldn’t deny he was happy to be in his home with his mom again; the holiday never felt the same in L.A. There was no snow and that always made a huge difference when it came to his level of holiday cheer. Despite the constant feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach, just being around his mom and the warm familiarity of his current surroundings made the facts that he was with Misha and back in the hellhole he’d escaped ten years prior a little less terrible. It was far from ideal, but Jensen figured he’d manage.

“Mom, I’m gonna take Misha to the bar to grab some takeout, okay?” He wasn’t sure if she heard him. She was too busy humming and stringing together a popcorn garland.

He and Misha walked into The Owl and he was immediately uncomfortable. Not that he wasn’t uncomfortable to begin with – being back in town after having left with the intention of never coming back was rattling him – but seeing people he knew from high school perched on bar stools and stationed at various tables around the bar made him feel like throwing up. Add Misha’s constant, clinging presence to the mix and he was strung very tightly.

Misha was busy acting very important, trying to avoid the eye contact no one directed at him when Jensen spotted Mike and Tom a few feet away. He left Misha with the menu and snuck up on them. He laid a hand on each of their shoulders and said, “Excuse me, sirs, do you think it’s fair that England hasn’t switched to the Euro?”

Both Tom and Mike turned to look at Jensen. “That’s a really good ques-OHHHHH! Jensen Ackles! Son of a bitch!” Tom yelled. He and Mike were both jumping up and down a little with excitement, and Jensen felt a rush of love and familiarity at the sight of two of the best people he’d ever known and on whom he had completely bailed.

“God, it’s good to see you guys,” Jensen said, smiling widely. “What the hell have you been up to?”

“Well, we live together,” Mike said. “We’d get married if we could. But I’m a dentist and Tom’s a teacher, with Jared, actually.”

Jensen froze at the name. He was about to ask about Jared when Misha came over, wanting to join in on the excitement. Jensen wanted to stick his palm in his face and shove him away, but his job depended on keeping Misha happy. “Hey, Jensen, aren’t you gonna introduce me?” He kissed Jensen on the cheek and turned a bright smile to Mike and Tom who looked extremely unimpressed.

“Misha, this is Tom and Mike, two of my best friends from high school. Guys, this is Misha.”

Misha shook hands with the two men, and as quickly as he’d arrived, he was off again heading in the direction of the bathroom. Jensen breathed a sigh of relief when, for once, Misha hadn’t done something stupid. When he saw Misha wasn’t coming back for a sneak attack he turned his attention to Mike and Tom, noticing that Mike was looking at the bar mouthing something to someone. He followed Mike’s line of vision and saw him.

Jared. He was behind the bar making a martini. The reality of the passage of ten years slammed into Jensen and he couldn’t breathe. Jared was still gorgeous, but where in high school he was tall, a little lanky though muscular, and baby-faced, here he was even _taller_ , definitely more muscular, and while he still had the dimples and sweet smile, he looked like a man now. “Jared,” he choked out. He was drawn to the bar by some invisible force he wouldn’t try to resist.

Jared dropped down behind the bar, but his being the size he was, Jensen could see him over the top of the bar really easily. Jesus, Jared was really hot. “Jared?” Jensen asked from above the bar.

Jared looked up at him from the floor. “Jensen! Hi! What’s up?” He made no effort to get off the floor.

“Hi. Um, what are you doing on the floor, Jay?”

Jared laughed. “Oh well, you know, just looking like a total asshole.” He hopped up and ran around to Jensen’s side of the bar.

“Jesus, Jensen, look at you!” Jared’s smile pulled all the feelings Jensen had tried to suppress right to the surface instantly. And when he wrapped Jensen in a hug? Forget about it. Jensen was right back in high school. “God, Jen! My arms wrap right around you! You’re so…so…thin! And muscly!” Jared squeezed his biceps and Jensen could swear he heard a giggle escape his mouth.

“You look great, too, Jared. But, uh, why are you here at The Owl…working?” Jared did look great. He filled out his black polo shirt in the best way possible. Jensen could have gone on and on, but he was still just – stunned.

“Yeah. That. Well, I went to play football at LSU but I blew out my knee senior year, so no NFL for me. So I finished college with my teaching degree, and I’m back here teaching English at the high school. I’m moonlighting here over the break from school to save up money to buy a house. Living with your parents at 28? Not awesome.”

“You live with your parents?” Jensen gaped.

“I know. I know! It’s bad. But it’s only temporary. But God, Jen, you look great! What are you doing in town? Hold that thought,” he said, holding up a finger. “I gotta get this guy’s order, I will be right back.

He hadn’t noticed Christian Kane appear next to him at the bar. He was wearing his letter jacket and looked like he’d been on a four-year bender. “Jensen Ackles,” he rasped. “I saw you at the Oscars, man!” He leaned in closer to Jensen and Jensen noted his breath left much to be desired. Christian spoke in a low tone saying, “Jared Padalecki, huh? You gonna try for that shit again? You should, man. You could have anyone you want. In high school there was no fucking way, but now, you could nail that in a heartbeat.”

Jensen was simultaneously grossed out and intrigued by Christian’s words. He hadn’t thought about the idea of finally getting Jared into bed. He was hot now, and he knew it. He could do this. He would do this. Thankfully, before Christian could breathe all over him anymore, Jared returned.

Jensen wanted to apologize to Jared for walking out of his life ten years ago, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Not there. Not then. Not with Misha starting to yell at him to get his ass in gear. “It’s a really long story. But I think I will be here for a couple days. Would you wanna get together?” Jensen cringed as Misha hollered at him again.

“Yeah!” Jared said. He’d returned to his post behind the bar and was pulling a beer. “How about lunch tomorrow?”

Fuck, fuck, fuck, Jensen thought. Right back in the fucking Friend Zone. He feigned a happy face. “Lunch? Sure. How about I pick you up at eleven?” Misha had apparently tired of screaming so instead he appeared at Jensen’s side and kissed him on the cheek again. He may as well have peed on Jensen, he was being so obvious about marking his territory. Jared just gave him a funny look. Jensen tried to pretend Misha wasn’t there, though he thought he heard Misha hiss.

“Sure, Jen. Uh, I’ll see you at eleven.” He was looking at Misha like he was an alien. Jensen wasn’t sure he wasn’t.


	3. Chapter 3

Jensen pulled into the Padalecki driveway right at eleven. He was on the phone with Justin back in L.A. “Yeah, I rented this ridiculously expensive car, man. I’m just gonna be totally nonchalant about the whole thing and he will be putty in my hands. Shit, his dad’s coming out, I gotta go. Talk to you later, man.” He opened the car door and got out. 

“Hi, Mr. Padalecki! Long time, no see. I see you still have the best Christmas decorations on the block.” Of course Jensen was lying through his teeth. The Padalecki Christmas display was at best an obscene display of electricity abuse, and at worst roughly as bright as a fucking solar flare. Their neighbors hated them, and rightly so.

Gerry Padalecki looked at Jensen a second before realization set in. “Holy shit, is that you, Jensen? Damn, kid, I didn’t recognize you without all that fat!” He laughed at his own joke, and Jensen mumbled ‘fuck you’ under his breath. Just then Jared came out of the house and bounded down to the car.

“Hey Jen! See you later, Dad!”

“Bye, Mr. Padalecki! It was nice seeing you again.”

Gerry gave a noncommittal wave and Jensen climbed into the car. Jared followed suit on the passenger side.

“Wow, Jensen. A Jag? Damn.”

“Ugh, sorry. I know it’s a bit much, but the rental place was out of everything.” Jared looked like he didn’t quite believe him.

They went to the diner they always used to go to in high school and they even sat in the same booth. A waitress with a kind face came to take their order.

Jared smiled at her. Jensen was just uneasy.

“I remember you,” the waitress said. “You’re not a chubby bunny anymore, are you?”

Jensen wanted to die a little. Situations like this were exactly why he never wanted to come back to Jersey. “You two stay right here, I have a special surprise for you.” The waitress pinched Jensen’s cheek and he wanted to stab her with his fork.

He rolled his eyes and looked at Jared. There was something in his eyes that Jensen couldn’t identity. It looked like disappointment.

“So, Jensen. You’re a movie star agent, huh? That’s pretty major.”

Jensen leaned back in the booth trying to look as cool and detached as possible. “Yeah, it’s alright, I guess. I mean, I’m really busy, you know. If I’m not at a premiere, I’m at a party in the Hills.” Jared didn’t seem to be buying what Jensen was selling. “I’m beginning to hate myself. I’ll shut up now.”

Jared looked like he was about to ask Jensen something serious, or important, or seriously important, and he could feel himself tense up. The whole ten-year absence thing couldn’t be avoided forever.

He was saved by the waitress, though. She returned to the table with two plates: one had a grilled cheese sandwich and the other was stacked with pancakes smothered in chocolate sauce and whipped cream for “The chubby bunny” the waitress said, pinching his cheek again. This time Jensen couldn’t help but swat her hand away. He had issues with personal space. She walked away looking hurt.

“Jeez, Jen, could you be any ruder?” Jared was frowning at him.

“Me?” Jensen asked incredulously. “She’s the rude one. She pinched my cheek _twice_ and she didn’t even ask me what I wanted to eat. Instead she brought me this monstrosity!” He gestured to the pancakes in front of him.

“It’s what you always used to eat, Jensen. She was trying to be nice.” Jared was practically hissing.

“Do you have any idea what this much sugar will do to me, Jared? I haven’t eaten shit like this in years!”

“Alright. Christ. You eat this,” he slid the grilled cheese across the table and exchanged it for the pancakes, “and I will eat these. Fucking baby.”

“No, that’s okay, Jay, I’ll just drink this water.” He took a drink, then said, his voice dripping with sarcasm, “Ahhhh, I couldn’t eat another bite.”

Jared ate the sandwich in silence. Jensen felt like an asshole but couldn’t seem to stop himself. After he finished the last of his grilled cheese, Jared asked, “So, Jen. Ten years. What the hell?”

Shit. Jensen knew it was coming, but the question still sucked. “Jared I’m so sorry. I really am. That night was just the last straw. You don’t know what it was like for me. I had to get out. I had to make something of myself. This town was stifling me.”

Jared’s eyes welled a little and he spoke softly, looking at his hands on the table. “We were supposed to go to LSU together, man. And you just dropped off the face of the Earth. I blamed myself. I still do.”

Jensen wanted to reach across the table and hold Jared’s hands, to tell him it would all be okay, but he couldn’t. Because it some respects, it was Jared’s fault that he left. If, you know, being a total coward is something you can blame on your best friend. All he could say was, “I’m sorry, Jared. Really.”

Jared smiled sadly.

They pulled back into Jared’s driveway, and Jensen got out to walk Jared to the door. The air was still tense between them. It bugged the hell out of Jensen. Even when he was pining after Jared in high school it was never awkward between them. “Well, Jared, it was awesome to see you again.”

Jared stopped in front of his door and turned. He looked like he couldn’t wait to get inside his house and lock Jensen outside. “Yeah, Jen, it was. Thanks for lunch.”

“Well, okay, I guess I might see you at The Owl some time before I leave town,” Jensen said.

“Yeah, that’d be cool,” Jared said, some of the discomfort leaving his face.

And for whatever reason, Jensen blurted out, “Hey, you know the owl can’t actually turn its head all the way around?” Jared stared at him, his face a mask of ‘why are you telling me this?’, but Jensen plowed forward. “Yeah, they just look like they can because of their feathers.”

Jared looked like he was waiting for something, or possibly looking for a response to the stupid shit that just tumbled out of Jensen’s mouth, so Jensen made another awesome decision and leaned in to kiss him. He could totally handle this, he thought. He’s kissed all kinds of people over the last ten years. He was a good kisser, too, damn it. But Jared must have just wanted a hug, so they both leaned into each other in the same direction at the same time, then they both tried to go in the opposite direction. Jensen almost smashed his face into Jared’s twice and they ended up doing a really uncomfortable and embarrassing hug-dance thing.

He pulled away, his face too hot, and Jared looked a little mortified. “Okay, bye, Jay.” Jensen turned to go back to the car and Jared turned on his heel and went in the house.

Jensen sat in the car in the Padaleckis’ driveway. What the fuck was that all about? He spoke aloud, mocking himself. “The owl can’t turn its head, blah blah blah! What the fuck is wrong with you, Ackles? Jesus fucking Christ!” He slammed his hands on the steering wheel then slapped himself in the face. He was about to do it again when he realized Jared was right outside his window. Jensen sobered immediately and rolled down the window.

“Um, I left my gloves in your car.” Jared said, a combination of amusement and terror flitting across his features.

Jensen didn’t say a word; he simply looked over to the passenger seat, grabbed the gloves, and handed them out the window to Jared. Jared took them wordlessly and went back inside. Jensen felt like driving his car off a cliff. How was is that he was so cool and fucking collected in L.A. but as soon as he came back to Jersey he turned the world’s biggest douche bag?

He’d been ignoring calls from Jeff all day, but Jensen knew sooner or later he’d have to call him back. When he went to lunch with Jared he’d left Misha behind to do yoga and meditate. Jensen had nothing at all against yoga and meditation. He thought they were good things. But damn if Misha didn’t turn them into something fucked up. When he walked into his bedroom, Misha had his back against the wall, his legs bent back over his own head, and he was totally naked.

“Misha, what the hell are you doing? Put on some fucking clothes, man, my sister is home,” Jensen growled and threw a blanket on the contorted figure in front of him. There was way too much asshole happening in his room on so many levels.

Misha unfolded himself and wrapped the blanket around his thin frame until it was in the form of a toga. “I know she is. You just missed her, actually.” He smiled the kind of smile Jensen was very far from being comfortable with when it was in relation to his sister.

“You didn’t. Misha, I swear to fucking Christ if you touch her – ”

Misha cut him off with a wave of his hand. “Oh, honey, don’t worry. I wouldn’t cheat on you. Besides, she looks just enough like you that it would weird me out because she doesn’t have a penis. I like you _and_ your penis, Jensen.”

Murder. That was the one word that kept running through Jensen’s mind. Luckily he’d been smart enough to come up with a plan to keep Misha out of his hair for the night. He wanted to make up the horror that was lunch to Jared. Between lunch and arriving at home he’d stopped at Mike’s office and whined to him about the lunch-fail. Mike agreed that he and Tom would run interference on Misha for the evening at The Owl so Jensen could get more time to talk to Jared while he worked. Jensen really had the best friends ever. He made a mental note never to ditch them again.

 

Jensen was surprised that Misha was excited about going back to The Owl. He thought he’d have to bribe him or something. But Misha reasoned that it was a good place to go because a) he could keep in touch with “the little people,” and b) he could do more research for the role he was working on. Jensen didn’t give a shit. He was just glad Misha hadn’t seemed to catch on to Operation Get Jared Into Bed. Nor did Misha seem to care that they hadn’t yet made it to Paris. Thank God for small mercies.

The Owl was relatively busy for a Wednesday night, but Jensen figured some of the traffic had to do with the holiday season. It was Christmas Eve-eve, after all. He sat Misha at the bar next to him, then turned to wave at Jared at the other end of the bar. Jared didn’t look terribly enthused. When he turned back to see what Misha wanted to drink, he was gone. He did a visual sweep of the bar and noticed Misha had insinuated himself in the middle of a giant group of girls at a large corner booth. Jensen couldn’t have been more pleased. He waited for Jared to come say hello and take his order, but he didn’t seem to be in a hurry to do so.

Mike and Tom came to sit next to him at the bar and he thanked them for offering to be on Misha duty. “Hey, Jen, it’s no problem,” Tom said, slapping him on the back. “You’re buying the drinks, so it only seems fair!” Jensen laughed. It was the least he could do.

Jared finally made his way down to their end of the bar. “Hey guys, sorry it took me so long. It’s a lot busier in here than we thought it would be. What can I get you?” Jared was his normal smiley self, so Jensen figured whatever he thought was off with him earlier was in his imagination.

They placed their orders with Jared and he went to the other end of the bar to fill them. Jensen got off his stool and went to talk to Jared out of Mike’s and Tom’s earshot. “Hey, Jay, how’s it going?”

“Not bad, Jen. I’m making good tips tonight.” His smile always had a strange effect on Jensen. Like it was different every time. Right now it made his chest tight, but not in a bad way.

“Listen, Jared, I just wanna apologize about earlier. I don’t know what happened. I guess I was just really nervous. I want to make it up to you. Do you want to go to a movie tomorrow night?”

“I thought you had to leave for Paris or something,” Jared said, his tone verging on snarky. Jensen had no idea what to make of that.

“Nah, that’s not for a while. I wanna be here for Christmas at least.” Jared slid his beer over to him and he took a drink. “So? Movie?”

Jared started walking back to where Mike and Tom sat, Jensen paralleling him on the other side of the bar. “Sure, Jen. Why not? I will come by your place at 6, okay?”

Jensen did a fist pump under the bar where Jared couldn’t see. He settled back onto his bar stool. “Awesome Jay.” Things were looking up for him and Jared. Now to fix things with Tom and Mike.

“Guys, listen. You’ve been really great to me since I just waltzed back into town after a ten-year hiatus. Just. Thanks. And thanks for putting up with my whiny ass all those years ago.”

“Jen, you’re an asshole. You’ve always been kind of an asshole,” Mike said.

“Yeah,” Tom interjected. “But you’re our asshole, man…well, you know what I mean.”

And with that, Jensen knew he was forgiven. He was feeling happy. Misha wasn’t around, he’d placated Jeff with a text message, and Jared kept giving him these sweet, secret smiles whenever their eyes met. All was well in the world. Or so it seemed. Because just as Jensen was starting to relax a little more, a presence next to him raised his hackles. He turned expecting to see Misha but instead, in was him. The Chad.

And he looked good, if Jensen had to say so. He didn’t have to, so he made sure he kept his mouth shut. Chad settled onto the barstool next to Jensen and Jared came over to take his order. Jensen, Tom, and Mike all observed keenly as the situation unfolded before them, much to Jensen’s horror.

Jared was his usual, kind self, all smiles and politeness. Jensen figured he didn’t recognize Chad. “What can I get you?” Jared asked.

“Jared Padalecki? Holy shit. I haven’t seen you around in years! How are you, man?” Chad was trying way too hard, Jensen thought. He wanted to slap the shit out of him instantly.

Jared looked at Chad for a moment before realization dawned on him. “Chad? The Chad? Chad Murkowski?” Jared looked dumbstruck. He had every right to be, really, Jensen figured. Chad wasn’t even a shadow of the loser he was in high school. He had really short messy hair, amazing cheekbones that there’s no way he had then, and he was pretty well-built, if the way the sweater he was wearing settled against his arms was any indication. Jensen hated him. _He_ was supposed to be the hot one, not Chad.

“Yeah! Well, it’s Chad Michael Murray now; ‘Murkowski’ was a nightmare, and ‘Chad Murray’ wasn’t snazzy enough, so I tacked my middle name in there, but yeah. How are you Jared? Can I just tell you that you look amazing? What are you doing here? I thought you were a famous NFL dude or something.”

Jared’s grin was huge as he regaled Chad with the story of his life since high school. He was equally smiley when Chad revealed he’d actually made it – sort of – in the music industry, and Jensen nearly choked when he realized that’s where he’d heard the name Chad Michael Murray. The little fucker was a song writer now. Jensen couldn’t believe what he was hearing…or seeing. Jared was eating out of Chad’s hand. It only got worse when Chad asked Jared for his number and Jared stole Jensen’s drink coaster to write it down to give to Chad. Jensen actually started to lunge for the coaster, but Mike grabbed him.

Chad’s spell over Jared was broken, it seemed, because Jared suddenly looked to him and said, “Jensen! You remember, Chad, right?” Then he walked away to serve more customers, the bastard.

“Holy shit, Jensen Ackles! How are you? You look fantastic!” Chad shouted and clapped Jensen on the back. Jensen wanted to break his arm. He couldn’t believe he felt so threatened by Chad fucking Murkowski. But there was something to him now. He was friendly, cute, complimentary, and so god damned sincere about everything.

He gave Chad a weak smile. “Hey Chad. Good to see you. Congrats on the song writing, man.” It took all of Jensen’s energy to sound mildly genuine. Jensen never wanted to be away from somewhere so badly in his life. Chad was yammering on about how he loved writing songs for people like Josh Groban and Celine Dion to sing because they “really put the love into the love song” or some shit. Jensen was barely listening; he nodded a few times to feign interest, but was leaving back against Mike in a sort of ‘help me’ gesture. Mike, being the fantastic human being that he is, got the hint and immediately pulled Tom over to talk to Chad so Jensen could slip away. He was gonna get Tom and Mike tickets to the Oscars or something.

Just as Jensen was getting a breather from the feeling of having entered an alternate universe where Chad Murkowski of all people could be hot, he heard some glass shatter in the back of the bar. He went to investigate, fearing all the while that Misha had something to do with the commotion. He’d been so excited to talk to Jared and so horrified by Jared’s excitement to talk to Chad he’d completely spaced on Misha. It was a blissful hour or so of ignorance.

Rounding the corner, Jensen couldn’t believe what he saw. Misha had some guy pinned up against the wall and was holding a broken bottle in his hand threatening to cut him. The words “I will gut you like a fish” actually fell from Misha’s lips and Jensen sprang into action. He jumped over the tabled Misha had apparently overturned in his quest to kill the guy, and grabbed the hand that held the bottle.

“Jesus, Misha! What the fuck?” Jensen yelled. He pulled Misha off the guy and dragged him out of the bar and out onto the sidewalk. “You can’t just go around threatening to kill people, man. What were you thinking?”

Misha shook out of Jensen’s grip and glared at him. “Well, I had to get your attention somehow, didn’t I? You were so wrapped up in your love for that giant whore you completely forgot about me!”

Jensen stared at Misha disbelievingly. “Giant whore? I don’t know what you mean.” He knew exactly what Misha meant, but playing dumb seemed to always work on him.

“I’m sorry I’m not some fucking giraffe, Jensen. I’m sorry I only have sparkling blue eyes and can bend my body into positions most people only fantasize about. I’m sorry I can blow anyone’s mind sexually. There’s only so much perfection one man can embody.” He grabbed Jensen’s face and kissed him.

Jensen peeled Misha off him. “Look, Misha. Let’s just go home, okay? We can talk about this later.” That seemed to placate Misha for whatever reason.

He entwined his fingers with Jensen’s and said “Okay, lover. Let’s go snuggle.” Jensen sighed. Misha set the crazy bar so high he figured God could limbo under it.


	4. Chapter 4

The next day Jensen once again found himself in Mike’s office, chattering away about his Jared worries while Mike inspected a patient. “Jensen, I don’t know what the problem is, man. You’re going to a movie with Jared tonight, aren’t you? That’s better than a day date or whatever you call it, right?”

“That’s just it, man,” Jensen said, pacing back and forth in the room. “I can’t get a fucking read on Jared. I try to be like I am with every other guy and they fall all over me, but I get around Jared and I freeze up. I say and do all kinds of stupid shit. It’s like I’m back in high school all over again. I’m back in the one place I swore I’d never be again, not with Jared, not with anyone. I’m in the fucking Friend Zone, Mike!”

Mike stopped what he was doing and swiveled his chair to face Jensen. “Jen, I’m gonna give you some advice, some tough love, if you will. Have you ever thought about just being yourself?” Mike held up his gloved hand to silence the protest Jensen was about to make. “I’m not talking about this “new and improved” Jensen. I’m talking about the Jensen we all knew and loved in high school. The real you. Funny, sensitive, loveable. Jared loved you back then. And sure, maybe it wasn’t in the way you wanted him to, but that’s gotta be better than nothing, right?”

Jensen let Mike’s words sink in as he bit his thumbnail nervously. “Okay, I get it. Jared wants the old Jensen. Someone all sweet and sincere.” Mike smiled and gave him a look that said ‘exactly’. Jensen continued, “Jared wants a guy that’s a total pussy. Well, I’m gonna show him I’m the biggest pussy there is. Thanks, Mike!”

Mike’s patient let out an exasperated sigh and Mike hung his head. Jensen totally didn’t get it.

Jensen stood in his room, freshly showered and ready to take on the evening. He surveyed everything he’d laid out on his bed before his shower. He decided to tone down his wardrobe a little, attempting to recreate his look from high school. He was pleased that he could sort of reproduce the look. He had jeans that weren’t too designer, an Elliott Smith t-shirt, a plaid flannel shirt to wear over the t-shirt, his old black Converse, and he figured he’d grab a couple of bracelets Jared had given him umpteen years ago. He dressed quickly, singing along to Belly’s “Feed the Tree” as he did so. Being in his old room really made him crave music from high school, so he had something from the 90s on constant rotation in his stereo whenever he was in there.

He approved of the image he saw in the mirror, but he felt a rush of guilt flow through him when he walked over to his desk to take the bracelets down from the collage of pictures he’d pasted to the wall above it over ten years ago. Every picture, and there had to be about a hundred or so, featured him and Jared looking happy and young and worry-free. Jensen wanted to be that kid again, but there was something in him that wouldn’t allow it. He knew he was going overboard with this whole “reclaim the pussy I was in high school shtick,” but he didn’t know what else to do. Nothing else was working. He cleared his mind of all doubt, determined to make tonight different.

On his way out the door Mackenzie stepped into the hall from her room. “Mack. I need you to do me a giant favor.”

Mackenzie smirked at him. “Oh, this should be good. What do you want, Grimace?” Jensen closed his eyes and took in a deep breath. Grimace was what she called him when she was younger. She said he was shaped like the purple fucker.

He pulled her back into his room and shut the door. Misha was lurking somewhere in the house and he didn’t want to take any chances. “I need you to hang out with Misha tonight.”

Her eyes went wide with excitement, but she must have suspected something was up because they quickly narrowed. “You keep telling me to stay away from him. What the hell do you want so much that you need me to distract him?”

“I’m going out with Jared tonight.”

Before Jensen could get the rest of the explanation out Mackenzie groaned and flopped down on his bed saying, “Oh Jesus, here we go again. Jensen? Seriously. Are you really gonna try that again? It worked so well for you last time. You’re sort of pathetic, you know that? He didn’t want you then, he’s not gonna want you now.” She aimed a kick and him and it landed on his shin.

“Ow, fuck!” Jensen shouted. He launched himself at Mackenzie, pinning her to the bed by sitting on her stomach. “Listen, you little shit. I’m not the same guy I was in high school.”

She mumbled “You’ll always be fat to me” underneath him and proceeded to pinch his side as hard she could.

Jensen yelped and leapt off her, making sure he pushed off with his elbow. She grunted in response. “Just. Please do this for me. Please?” She looked resigned to the task so Jensen pulled out his wallet and handed her a couple hundred dollars. “Take him to the mall, or something. Just keep him out of trouble.”

She rolled her eyes and strolled out of the room. Jensen worried for a minute about what they’d get up to, but Mackenzie was a hard ass so he didn’t spend too long on it. Instead, he went down the stairs to sit and wait for Jared to arrive.

He was jittery and nervous and he hated it. His mother patted him on the head and sang him her song about being himself – something she had done often when he was growing up – before she retired to the living room to watch her “stories” and Jensen just grumbled about not wanting to be himself because he thought his self sucked. He was about to have a meltdown because Jared was like, two minutes late, but then the doorbell rang and Jensen almost killed himself getting to the door.

Jensen had known Jared forever, really. At least since they were in the first grade and Jensen had just been on the receiving end of some mean kids telling him they didn’t like him and didn’t want to be his friend. He was sitting on a swing trying not to cry when Jared came up and sat in the swing next to him. All it took was Jared saying, “I’ll be your friend” and Jensen was hooked. His feelings for Jared since that day had of course undergone various transformations, but underlying all of it was love. Jensen would always love Jared.

He opened the door to an adorable looking Jared all bundled up in a hat and scarf and big coat. Jensen wanted to sit him in front of the fireplace with a mug of hot chocolate and say fuck off to the movie, but he pushed past Jensen into the foyer chattering about how he hadn’t been to a movie in so long and he was really excited to get going. As Jensen was shutting the door and starting to list to Jared the movie options they had to choose from, the door met with resistance. He turned to look for the reason the door wasn’t closing and realized it was because there was another human being holding the door open. Well, some would say human, some – okay Jensen – would say a steaming pile of dog shit that went by the name of Chad Michael Murray. Various locations as to where he could stash Chad’s body flashed through his mind.

Chad maneuvered his way past the door and stood there smiling at Jensen. He noticed Chad’s grin wasn’t entirely innocent, like he had something almost sinister on his mind. “Chad! You’re here! Why?” Jensen said with a surprised and incredulous tone.

Jared bounded into the room with a cookie in his mouth. “Oh, man, Jen, I forgot how awesome your mom’s Christmas cookies are. Hey Chad, glad you could make it. You gotta go in the kitchen and grab a cookie. They’re fucking great.” Chad headed toward the kitchen and Jensen wheeled around to face Jared.

Jared took another bite of his cookie and looked at Jensen imploringly. “I hope it’s okay that Chad’s here. Is it okay?”

Jensen pushed down the rage that was filling him quickly. He reminded himself that he was trying to be all sensitive now, so he just said, “It’s great that Chad’s here. It’s awesome.” And he said it all with a smile on his face. Jared responded with a smile of his own.

Apparently Jared was dying to see the new National Treasure movie. He was glad, actually, because he’d been dying to see it, too. He’d gone to the Hollywood premiere weeks before but he never made it to the actual screening because some guy was on his knees in front of him in the bathroom. Jensen didn’t give a fuck if Chad cared about the movie either way, the third-wheeling bastard. Chad managed to make the seating arrangement at the theatre as shitty as possible, landing himself squarely in between Jared and him. Jensen wanted to sit next to Jared really badly because Jared, no matter what the movie, always got a little jumpy and cuddly. Of course, throughout the movie Jensen could see Chad on the receiving end of the jumps and cuddles. Jensen’s grip on the armrest was so tight he could have torn it from the seat.

After the movie was over, Jensen drove them all back to his house. He invited Jared in for hot chocolate, Jared invited Chad in, and before Jensen could have a coronary over it, Chad begged out of the evening saying he “had some songs to write as the evening had inspired him.” Jensen tried not to puke. Once inside the house, Jensen’s mom was so excited to have Jared there that she volunteered to make the hot chocolate herself. She’d even set out their old home movies for them to watch. Before he could totally relax, though, Jensen sent a text to Mackenzie asking her how the Misha detail was going. She responded quickly, saying they were at a bar downtown. He didn’t know how the hell Mackenzie could get into a bar being only eighteen, but Misha wasn’t around and Jared smelled really good next to him on the couch, so he couldn’t bring himself to care. Mackenzie knew everyone in town, she’d be just fine.

Jensen’s mother delivered the hot chocolate, patted Jensen’s and Jared’s knees, gave them a wink, and headed up to her room. They watched video after video, not talking, just laughing; Jensen felt lighter than he had in years, and not just because he was watching the old, fat him dancing around with Jared in nearly every video. The levity he felt didn’t last long, though, as a weight settled on his heart. He never appreciated the time he had with Jared when he had it. Jared always gave him his undivided attention, and he threw it away when he’d run off to California.

Jensen and Jared ended their evening nearly four hours later, stomachs sore from laughing and with a promise from Jensen he’d come to Jared’s the following night for Christmas carols. Jensen loved Christmas. He couldn’t wait to sort of spend it with Jared.

Jensen had just finished brushing his teeth when he heard Misha storm in the door and up the stairs. “Jensen!? Are you up here?” He found Jensen in the bathroom. Jensen ignored him and pushed past him into his room. Misha was undeterred. “What the fuck, Jensen? You sic your sister on me for the night? Why do you keep ditching me?” Jensen opened his mouth to answer, but Misha continued his rant. “No. You know what? Fuck you, Ackles. All I do is give you my love and understanding and you shit all over me.” He was throwing his clothes in his bag as he yelled. “Do you have any idea how many people are dying to get at this?” He slapped himself on the ass. Jensen made himself look as innocent as possible. It looked like Misha was leaving and he wasn’t going to try and stop him. “At least fifteen-thousand, Jensen. Probably more. Everyone wants a piece of Misha! I’m Audi 5000. Call me when you pull your head of that giant fuck’s ass.” He whirled around and stomped out of Jensen’s room, down the steps, and out the front door, slamming it so hard Jensen swore he heard pictures fall off the wall.

He panicked for a moment, knowing that Misha would probably call Jeff and have his ass fired, but he realized that none of it mattered. Somewhere along the way he recognized that the act he’d been putting on since he came home, hell, since he’d left home, really, got him nothing but useless one-night stands and disappointed looks from Jared. He wanted to be himself. He wanted to be the guy Jared adored in high school, even if it wasn’t the kind of adoration Jensen had hoped for back then. His L.A. image, the persona he’d cultivated for so long didn’t matter anymore. Jared mattered. That was it.


	5. Chapter 5

Jensen spent the next day waiting for the fallout from Misha’s meltdown, but the day passed and he got no word from Jeff. He tried to breathe a sigh of relief, but he was nervous about the get together at Jared’s. He had to make a move. He couldn’t fuck it up. Not again. He watched the clock far too much, he bit his nails, he paced. He was due to Jared’s at 6, but he didn’t want to be early. When the clock struck six he grabbed his coat and ran out the door, nearly slipping on the ice trying to get to the car. He didn’t want to miss a minute with Jared, but he’d be damned if he’d be the first to arrive anywhere. It just wasn’t done.

It was like motherfucking déjà vu. He pulled up to Jared’s house and there were cars everywhere. He could hear music pouring from the house, and despite knowing he wasn’t eighteen, he was terrified to go inside. He chided himself for being a baby and headed inside.

The house was teeming with people Jensen didn’t really know. He imagined they were mostly Jared’s family’s neighbors, some family, and Jesus fucking Christ, Chad. He was fucking everywhere. Luckily, Tom and Mike were also attending the festivities, so he zeroed in on them and attached himself to their side. Jensen thought he was over all the insecurity bullshit he felt when he was a kid. But the nerves he was feeling felt exactly like the ones he felt ten years ago. He tried to take cleansing breaths while Tom and Mike took turns trying to encourage him.

Chad was leading the room in singing Christmas carols, and though Jensen enjoyed singing, he refused to participate. He settled at the bottom of the staircase and pulled from his pocket the note he’d found in his room. He had been digging through his old desk when he came across a list titled, “100 Things I Love About My Best Friend Jared Padalecki.” He sat and read through the whole thing, feeling the memories flooding through him. He remembered writing every single item. He’d stuck the note in his pocket so he could give it to Jared tonight. Another night, another party at Jared’s, another note; it was all dripping with coincidence.

As he read the note over again, he focused on the list and drowned out the singing. Chad may have become a successful songwriter, but his voice still fucking blew. He read the note aloud, so he at least looked like he was singing. “#10. I love that Jared is nice to everyone. #11. I love Jared’s sense of humor. He is the wittiest bastard ever. #12. I love how I can look at Jared and know that when he looks at me he knows exactly how I’m feeling.” He continued reading for a while then he felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked up to see Jared smiling softly at him.

“Hey Jen, glad you could make it? Whatcha got there?” Jared reached for the list.

Jensen handed it over willingly. “I found this in my room. I must have forgotten to give it to you forever ago, so I wanted you to have it.” Jared examined the paper. He sat next to Jensen on the stairs and was reading quietly, a happy look on his face. Jensen felt weird, like he was intruding or something, so he murmured to Jared he was going to get something to drink and he’d be right back.

He entered the kitchen and dug around in the refrigerator looking for a beer or anything to dull his nerves when Chad slapped him on the back and said, “Jensen! Good to see you man.” When Chad’s hand connected with Jensen’s back he jerked his head up and hit it on the inside of the fridge. His hatred for Chad grew tenfold.

“You know what, Chad? There’s something I’m dying to know. What’s with the Mr. Sensitive routine? Why are you so damn nice to everyone all the time? I mean, I know I didn’t know you all that well in high school, but come on, what gives?”

Chad eyed him for a moment then said, “Well, I guess I sort of did what you did, you know? Remade myself. I was always the guy in high school that never got who I wanted; I was invisible most of the time. So, as soon as we graduated I made some changes,” he made a sweeping motion with his hand, “and voila! Chad Michael Murray!”

He stared at Chad for a long moment, not really believing what he was hearing. He wanted to call bullshit, but Chad started talking again before he could get the chance.

“Listen, Jen. I gotta ask you some advice.” Jensen closed the refrigerator door and leaned against the counter. He couldn’t wait to hear what Chad could possibly need advice about. He took a sip of his beer and readied himself.

“So, you and Jay were really tight in high school, right?” Jensen nodded. “And you seem like you’re still pretty close now. I mean, I see the way he looks at you.” Jensen was a little surprised at that. He also felt a surge of excitement.

Then Chad lowered the hammer. “So have you bent him over yet or what?” Jensen was so stunned by what he was hearing he couldn’t react. Chad, apparently, took that as an invitation to continue. “I mean, I would if I were you. Hell, I’ve been trying. I just keep picturing his lips wrapped around my co-” Chad didn’t get to finish his sentence because Jensen had thrown himself at Chad with all the force he could muster. He tackled Chad to the floor and was busy pounding his face in when Jared ran in the room.

“Jensen! What the hell is going on?” Jared shrieked as he hauled Jensen off of and away from Chad.

“Fuck, Ackles! What the fuck?” Chad yelled. He looked at Jared while Jensen leaned on the kitchen counter, chest heaving from exertion, rage, and epic amounts of adrenalin. “Jared, I was just asking Jensen how he knew that Misha Collins guy, and I told him, you know, way to go on snagging a hot guy since that wouldn’t have happened in high school because he was fa- uh, overweight, and he started beating the shit out of me.” He wiped at the blood coming from his nose.

Jared rounded on Jensen. “Is this true, Jen? How could you hit Chad? He’s pretty much helpless.” Jensen opened his mouth to answer, but he felt so defeated. He’d fucked up so much in the last few days he didn’t think Jared would believe him anyway. But he couldn’t let Chad win without a fight.

“No, Jared. It’s not fucking true. Chad was saying really horrible things. Things I couldn’t stand to listen to. So I punched his stupid face in. And fuck you for thinking I would hit him unprovoked. He’s far from helpless.”

Chad took that moment to pipe up. “Yeah, Jay. The Chad is not helpless. The Chad is a virile piece of meat.” He stepped into Jared’s space, grabbed him, and kissed him. Jensen wanted to punch the shit out of him again, but Jared beat him to it. “Ow, Jared! Fuck! What the hell, man?”

“Chad. I don’t know what you thought would happen. You don’t just grab my ass and try to suck my face off. Besides, I don’t think of you that way. We’re just friends.”

Chad reached for Jared again saying, “Yeah, but not for long, right? I wanna tap that ass.” Jared backed away quickly.

“Uh, no, Chad. Never gonna happen. Sorry.” Jared’s eyes were wide, like he was both surprised and grossed out. Jensen did a mental fist pump.

Chad lost it then. “Wow. Wow, Jared. You know what? No. You are a fucking cock tease, man. Fuck you. The Chad doesn’t need this shit. The Chad doesn’t need anything!” He stormed out, tearing garland off the staircase banister as he went, and making threatening gestures at Jared’s disapproving grandmother before he finally slammed the door to punctuate his grand exit.

Both Jared and Jensen let out deep breaths. “Holy shit. Chad’s fucking nuts.” Jared said. Jensen rubbed his knuckles, sore from hitting stupid Chad, and nodded in agreement. Jared opened the freezer and pulled out an ice tray. He wrapped the ice in a towel and took Jensen’s hand in his, placing the towel on Jensen’s now very red knuckles. Jensen hissed at the contact. “Jen. I’m sorry I doubted you. It’s just that you’ve been so weird since you got back. You’re only the Jensen I knew every once in awhile, and I never know when I’m gonna get him or the weird L.A. Jensen-bot sent in your place.” Jared chuckled at his own joke then removed the towel and blew lightly on Jensen’s knuckles. Jared locked eyes with him and Jensen’s breath caught; Jared looked so sincere as he said, “I wanna talk to the Jensen who made me that list.”

It was quiet in the house, the guests apparently having taken their caroling on the road. Jensen knew it was now or never. Swallow your fucking pride, Jensen. This is Jared. The love of your life. He drew in a deep breath and began the last confession he ever wanted to make. “Jared, I’m so sorry for all of the stupid shit that happened this week.” He took the towel from Jared and set it in the sink. He needed Jared’s undivided attention. He was getting it. Jared stared intently. “When I left ten years ago it was because I was afraid of everything. I hated myself, I felt like an idiot for making that confession to you and being turned down.” He held up his hand to keep Jared from offering the apology he was no doubt going to. “But I’m glad I left. I got my shit in order. As pretentious as it seems, I like my job. But it’s not my life. And I do feel better about myself in about a million different ways. I’ve sort of developed an identity outside of being Jared Padalecki’s fat friend.

“But I don’t want to do it anymore. The bullshit façade, I mean. I came here by accident; fucking insane Misha landed me here. And it was the greatest mistake ever. But I approached the whole thing wrong. I tried to be all suave and nonchalant about you, Jay. But look where it got me.” Jensen laughed weakly as he examined his bruised and angry hand. The gravity of the moment struck him full-on, and he felt the tears spill from his eyes. He looked back up at Jared. Jared’s eyes were a mirror of his own.

“You see, Jay. I love you. I’ve always loved you. And I wanna be with you. Forever. I wanna marry you, and get dogs with you, and live in a house wherever the hell you want. And I wanna hear how your day was when you come home from teaching. And I want to give you the best of me. I’m here, Jared.” He laid his hand over his own heart. “I’m here. Me. I’m cutting all the bullshit. I’m laying my heart on the line. It’s me. I’m here.”

His hand remained positioned over his heart. He was frozen waiting for Jared’s response. Time stood still and Jensen wanted nothing more than for it to hurry the fuck up. If tonight was going to continue with its eerie similarities to the graduation party ten years ago, rejection was imminent. He braced himself. He closed his eyes. He held his breath.

He heard nothing, not for some time, but he couldn’t bear to open his eyes. He thought if he did Jared wouldn’t be there anymore. The tears kept slipping from under his closed lids. He let them fall. Seconds later was startled by the softest touch on his lips. The touch became more insistent, and Jensen finally realized the pressure came from Jared’s lips. He wanted to open his eyes to make sure he wasn’t imagining this, but the warm sensation spreading through him from the contact prevented him from doing anything that would break the spell.

So he kissed back. And it was real. All of it. Jared’s arms slid around his waist, Jared’s tongue ghosted across his lips, Jared’s sigh as Jensen let him in. It was all real. It felt more amazing than anything his eighteen-year-old brain could have ever imagined, and impossibly better than any of the empty, shitty, failed relationships and one-night stands he’d had since then.

He pulled back from the kiss, and finally opened his eyes. Jared was smiling at him, eyes still wet, but no longer sad. Jensen couldn’t help but grin stupidly back at him. The world had shifted in that kiss. He no longer felt out of place or awkward or like he was trying too goddamned hard.

Later he’d try to explain to Jared how he knew everything would be okay. He’d tell Jared it was like he was in one of those magician’s boxes where they shove the top panel with your head in it one way, the middle panel in the opposite direction, and they spin the section holding your legs around 180 degrees. You’re meant to look all contorted and fucked up, and Jensen felt the way the person in one of those boxes looked. But, and he’d make sure he stressed this part when he told Jared, during the kiss the magician must have come along and slid the panels back into place, back where they belong. Jensen felt real again.

Jared said he had his own reasons as to why _he_ knew they’d be okay, and Jensen would tell him he was dying to hear about them after roughly one hundred kisses – one for everything he loved about Jared. The list was constantly growing, of course. Jensen loved that about Jared.

End


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